i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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