i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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