I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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