Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
