Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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