he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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