Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
