i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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