Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
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Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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