I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
