sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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