i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
