the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
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You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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