Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
