Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
