i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
