I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
