Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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