There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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