ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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