maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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