bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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