If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
