haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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