I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
