Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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