It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
