Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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