if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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