trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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