If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
