I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
