your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
