Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
someone owes me an orgasm
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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