i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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