I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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