Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
