Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
