3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize