Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
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no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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