I wish my penis had an off switch
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
