I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
