i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
