i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
