remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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