I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
