Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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