Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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