Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
