After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
