just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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