Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
