I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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