apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
