I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
