I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.