How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers