what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.