We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dating After Heartbreak
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.