hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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