you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake