just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now