I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
two words: eviction party
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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