Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
