coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
