i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
