He kissed a someone with a penis
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
