im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You can't special order awesome
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
