It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
