idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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