someone threw a dead crab at me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
